The circumstances that surrounded his entry into this world were not so joyous. My aunt had been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma while pregnant with him. He was born today so that the doctors could save her life. Our family was elated for the birth of my cousin but devastated at the diagnosis for my aunt. We prayed harder than we had ever prayed before, for the safety and well being of both. I do not remember much as I was only 6, almost 7, at the time. What I do remember is that in my mind, I was blessed to have a cousin, but somehow with the arrival of my cousin, my aunt was sick. For many years, I struggled with the correlation in my mind that the arrival had caused my aunt to become sick. I held many harsh feelings towards my baby cousin as I did not and could not fully grasp the events at the time. As I grew up, my family and I went through good times and bad. We grew apart before we could grow together. As we grew together, the events that surrounded today were rehashed multiple times. It took time for us to understand what had actually happened and how these events had an impact on all parties involved.
Fast forward 14 years to February 11, 2002. It was a Monday just like any other Monday. I was a junior in college at VCU and life was OK. I had weathered quite a few personal dilemmas through the past few years but all had made me stronger. I was 5 days away from a milestone birthday that all college students look forward to, my 21st birthday. The phone rang early that morning and my life was changed forever. My memories of that phone call will stay with me as long as I live. My Daddy had passed away. It was not expected. He had been going through a rough time but medically speaking there were no signs that prepared me for this call. Actually, to say that my life was changed forever feels like an understatement. The next few hours/days/weeks seem like a blur but incredibly clear at the same time. My friends, new and old, as well as family were there for me in ways that I could never thank them enough.
As I sit here today and look back on the events in my life that happened today, I know that they have both helped to shape me and form me into the person that I am now. I learned strength, humility, forgiveness, love and respect. I look back at how brave my aunt was during her battle with her illness and know that I learned how to be brave from her. I look back at my family's ability to pull together during my aunt's battle and know that this laid the ground work for me to pull on my family during the loss of my father. Most importantly, both of these events taught me to cherish everyday and every second that I have with my loved ones, because you never know when it will be your last. This is not always the easiest of things to remember, especially with two young children in tow. Don't get me wrong, there are moments when they try every bit of patience in my body. And others where they pluck me down to my last nerve. But even in those situations, I am able to find the joy, the fun and keep my sense of humor.
Today, I am thankful to God that my aunt is here for my family. She has been my rock through many happy and tumultuous times.
Today, I miss my Daddy as much as I did 10 years ago. I hope that I have made him proud with where I am in my life and with what I have made of myself. I hope that he sees my family and smiles, especially little Benjamin, named for him.
But most of all, I am thankful that God taught me the lessons that he did, so that I am able to appreciate all of the blessings he has granted me. Despite today's history, I am thankful.
